Forgotten Siren
A love letter to my soul's song
When I scan the memory field of this life
I see you black, largely unformed.
Not an oily sludge slick but like if the wind
Was covered in black swirling ink and came to
Life in front of me.
A black ghost.
You are scratching, screaming
Tormented
Cast off
Like a nightmare or horror film
I thought you were an evil entity
Or a lost soul needing saved
So I hid and didn’t look
Or listen
Let alone claim you.
A wise man once said into the collective soup,
Deep down its embarrassment that drives people crazy
And maybe that rejection just broke you
Years passed
And you faded
And all I knew
Was that I was afraid of the dark.
Closing my eyes tight when I got in bed
Pulling the covers over my head
Not letting one eyelid budge
Once an adult it sounded more like
Not tonight. I am too tired
Not knowing who or what I was speaking to
But giving a boundary
That nothing pay me a visit
Especially black swirls of unknown energy
Far from having my permission
You faced unjust extradition.
I became addicted to what is known.
So nothing new could emerge
Then one spring I found myself
Invited to give a transmission
No Act ready but the invitation to
Come and perform like a magician
To bring the muse
Nervously, Naively and not ready,
I accepted the mission
Prancing like a cat around an alter
On stage, I began boldly staking my claim
Not knowing if the muse would show
I wondered if this would all be in vain
With hungry eyes awaiting a masterpiece
Muse are you there?
I exhaled and opened my mouth
And what came out
Was you
Raw screams and rasping screeches
I shook my head and hair
I let it be raw and rare
In careful deliberate steps I circled pausing to stare
A screaming roar to close
The women nodded and cheered me to my seat
The men neutral perhaps to hide their confusion
Expecting a polished plate, served more trick than velvet treat
Heart pounding full of heat
I was practicing surrendering to find you
Unhooking from the mind
To see what I would find
That was my assignment so for that I was proud
And yet unknowingly there you were in the form
I had created
With my ignorant abandon
The repeated whisper
“Unhook, surrender”
Did I need to die to let you back in?
For you to rejoin me on our throne
Later I took the mic and spoke my full name
You sat and held my hand
Mind somewhat blind to
Your presence
Though you were coming back online
Fast forward in time
Fall in the Ojai mountains
I heard
“I am ready to die”
I began to cry
Not knowing why those words escaped
But when they did
There you were that black feminine ghost
Not a ghost to host
Not a thing to send to the light
but
My ghost
that wanted back in
And I let you.
Sipping in your essence I let you fill my heart
My throat.
Sensing an electric amp had turned on in my vocal cords
I breathed in the new, didn’t speak, just took note
Somehow my willingness to die
Unlocked a merging
Let it not make sense
And then it did not
As it never does
Though we will try to make it
And that siren I AM
Still getting to know.
Last night you
Played your instrument
With my throat
And I let you.
Rippling ancient codes of the primordial sea.
I allowed the merging of human self and spirit to Be
And its really really good to have you back.
So I guess I write this today to say,
Thank you. I love you.
Welcome home
Please stay.
Siren, My Voice.
--That One who found her Voice
....…
We find ourselves now in uncharted waters, unprecedented times. To step IN fully to our self-sustaining, sovereign temples that are approaching completion right now, many of us are feeling the reclamation into wholeness. No longer do we seek the twin flame for completion, to become the yin and yang. We ARE the balanced temple of ALL, holding it all within our own beings. Especially so welcoming in the lost, cast off feminine energies of power through love (without making the masculine parts bad and wrong). Integrating into balance within. Spirit or whatever you know that energy of the uniting thread, the eternal ONE by, we are also becoming more embodied and integrated in our being with that. It is weaved in to us, more front facing and conscious. The great paradox here is that we also have never been more distracted and inundated by noise to prevent us from hearing, seeing, and feeling that thread. Here lives my love letter to my voice, my dark feminine power within, as I reclaim the temple. I wrote this as a diary entry type trip report after singing an original hymn for an audience as a performance back in February. My first time really singing fully from my reclaimed voice and in collaboration with my soul and that divine thread. I stuffed my light (voice) down so much, unknowingly it became my shadow. Once illuminated and reintegrated I see now its but a precious gem, my diamond rock. This was a letter of truth, love, and apology to self and thus is unedited and will remain so.





Unleashed. Whole.❤️🙏🏻✨
Proud of you.❤️